Welcome to the California Gold Coast
A magical land where the sun always shines
and the surf always rolls
A place where a million dollars might buy ya a view
of another guy's view
Once upon a time
this was the home of the legendary Bobby Z
You see that out there, folks
That's Bobby Z's territory, my friends
He ruled those waters
He was Poseidon
He was Neptune
His heart beat with the rhythm of those waves
And when the sun set
Z blessed this land with the most amazing
weed known to man
In those days if 5 yuppies smoked a bowl after their poached salmon
well, it was Z's weed, guaranteed
Z's gone now
6 years, maybe more
Some say he's in Europe
Some say even Thailand, maybe Japan
The doubters, the non-believers say they all of course, he's dead
But he's coming back. I know it
Water is life
From it he sprang and to it he shall return
Bobby Z is gonna be rebirthed
Bobby Z is gonna be resurrected
He's coming back
The great Bobby Z is coming back
This guy's perfect
His name is Tim Kearney 3-time loser from Palmdale
He definitely resembles him
Family
Mom's dead, dad split
Hm
Uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters
Tim's an only child on his own since he was 15
First gets busted when he was a kid for breaking and entering
when he trips over a lawn sprinkler on the way out the door
carrying his stash
Goes to juvie, comes out, does it again
By this time he gets a court-mandated stint in the Marines
Gets his ass sent to Iraq Hm
Alright, where he wins the Navy cross
and then gets a dishonorable discharge
For what
Beating up an Iraqi colonel
Should've give 'im a medal
Then he comes back to the States
where he commits assault and battery strongarm
on a convenience store clerk
for raising the price on an ice cream bar
Thought it was eightyfive cents Dollar fifteen
Strike 1
Now get this. He gets paroled, right Mm
His dipshit buddy Wayne picks him up
On the way home he stops at a gas station
Tim's waiting in the car, Wayne goes in
Okay, here's the beaut
Wayne robs the gas station
Tim takes the rap
Open the door! Open the door
Go! Oh shit, there's a cop
There's a cop
Open the door! Go
Strike 2
Which leads us to our dead biker friend, Maddog
Been here 6 months now, boy
You need protection, and we're it
Just wanna do my time, man
Don't work like that, soldier boy
Strike 3
Heartbreakin'
Yeah
Yeah, he's fucked
The Brotherhood'll get him no matter what prison yard he ends up on
Shit, Brotherhood'll kill you no matter where you end up, period
How'd you get to be such a loser, convict, hm
Uh, what is it, low self-esteem
Lack of impulse control
Man, I can't remember what they described
Well I see you had a lot of practice from your file, here
Yeah
You know why you're here
Probably 'cause you want me to roll over on somebody, right
Wrong. We don't want you to roll over on somebody
We want you to be somebody
That's what my mom used to say
Why don't you stop fooling around
and maybe just maybe if you do like I say dude
you can walk away from here and keep walking
Would you like that convict
Good
Look at him
Who does he look like
Does he look like anybody you know
Well he kinda looks like me
You know who that is
That is Bobby Z
Robert James Zacharias, man
Grew up in Laguna Beach
While you were shitting your life down the toilet
he was The Dude
The Man Oh, he had it all, man
The hottest women, the finest clothes
the best dope
He was living the life, man
But he had another talent
See, Bobby was also a very accomplished drug dealer
Matter of fact, he was a legend at 16
Couldn't even get a driver's license
He hitchhiked to and from his first weed buy
2 Nike bags, 8 Ki's of Maui Wowee
Z turns 2 gym bags into 4 4 into 16, 16 into 32
Unlike you convict he figures it all out
'Cause he never puts his own ass on the line
But he's getting some unwanted attention not from the cops
but from some other
businessmen, some rivals
2 of his best runners end up face-down
in a drainage ditch out there in Riverside
So what does Z do
He disappears
like morning mist
Now the dope still keeps coming
And we're wondering how
Turns out
Bobby Z's got a marketing system
Yeah, it's genius
Cutouts, bonuses, agents
Profit-sharing
All kinds of shit
I mean he's bringing in boatloads of the best weed from all over the world
brings it in electronically
running his empire from afar
like he's a goddamned wizard of weed or some shit
So what do you want me to do
Don Huertero
Biggest drug dealer in Northern Mexico
Runs Tijuana, runs Baja, runs San Diego
He wants to partner up with Bobby Z and start marching north
to Los Angeles
Now, this Don Huertero is holding a man in Mexico
His name is Art Moreno He's my partner
He's a good man. He's got five kids
and I'm godfather to all of 'em
I'd like my partner to see my partner come home alive
Don Huertero has agreed to make an exchange
Art Moreno for Bobby Z
But only for Bobby Z
So why don't you find him
We had him
Turned himself in, in the embassy in Thailand, sick as a dog
Got bit by some Asian bug
Walks into the embassy
says his name is Robert James Zacharias
says he's dying
says he needs to speak with somebody
so I'm on a plane pronto
But I'm too late
Kaboom, heart attack
Drops dead right there in the embassy
God damn bug killed him
So listen up
This is where you come in
Look
Don Huertero's got no sense of humor about this shit
If he finds out that the real Z is dead
he'll kill my partner
Dead for dead
You pretend to be Z
We make a trade with you at the border
and if you walk away, well
you walk away
Man, the second I walk in there
Don Huertero's gonna know I'm not Bobby Z
Huertero and Z have never met It's up to you
You take your chances on the border pretending to be Bobby Z
or we leave you here at the Hotel California
Perfect
I'll be damned
Tell me how you got that scar again
I--
I. I, I
I was surfing and my head bounced off a rock when I wiped out
Where
Uh, Three Arch Bay
What kind of car do you drive A sixty-six Mustang
Favorite color Yellow
Favorite football team He hates football
I hate football
Favorite meal
Uh--
Come on! Vegetarian chili
How many times we gotta go over this
Lunch time, Z
You're welcome Oh, come on man
Can I get some real food
like a cheeseburger or something
No. Z was a vegetarian
And a leftie
You make one mistake like that with Don Huertero
you're a dead man, okay
Remember her
That's Audrey No
Not Audrey, Olivia
Olivia
Elizabeth
Oh, yeah, you remember her name
don't you
How long was I with her for
I don't know
I thought you guys knew everything
Why would I wanna be with anybody else
Shut up, and get up
Hey, one last thing
If Huertero mentions The Monk
he was your chief of operations
The Monk
You're just telling me about this now
They won't ask you
Well in case it comes up you should know
Youguys went to high school together
The Monk went toNotre Dame then joined the Franciscan Order
He has some serious math skills
Started putting the monastery's books on Quicken
Fell in love with the internet
Discovered he loved it more than he loved God
So he quits the church
and helps you make your business electronic
Without The Monk, Z wouldn't be Z
Here's uh, The Monk's number and address in case you need it
You got- you got another vest for me
Hey, you just relax you stand over there for a minute
I sent that recommendation for your promotion upstairs, Escobar
I'm gonna get your partner back for you, sir
I appreciate it
Let's go
Good luck
Okay cowboy
Don't shoot
Don't move
Oh my god.
There's an exchange...
I'm supposed to exchange...
God damn it
Shut up
Let me go Get up
Get out of the tracks! Move out...
Senor Z
That's me
Mr. Z
Huh
I brought you clothes
The bathroom's right there
You can uh, shave
I brought you a new toothbrush
Gracias
Mr. Z
Mr. Z. Hi
Mr. Brian would like to see you right now
if it's convenient
Come on Sure
Hey
The legend that is Bobby Z
Well, it's an honor, my friend
Brian. Brian Cervier
Good to see you
Well welcome to my humble abode
Get him a glass of wine
Squeezed from my own grapes
Don Huertero apologizes for uh
not being here to greet you personally, but um
he'll be up on the weekend, so
'til then you just
chill and enjoy the oasis
Bobby Z
At my hacienda
Who'd have thought
A hundred acres of vineyards
Dating back to the fifteen hundreds
So, what happened out there last night
Cop started shooting man, so I hit the dirt
It's a dangerous place, the border
Get some towels
So what are your plans
Uh, man, I don't make plans. Just uh--
Really
I'm only asking because Don Huertero has a proposition for you
A serious one
Well then uh, I'll talk about that with the don when he gets here
Well I won't take that as an insult
Don't
Alright now, this is a beauty
Horse in England called Great Run
won The National a couple of times
And this, this is its foal
Unfortunately, it broke its leg
Fuckin' useless and I haven't got the heart to shoot it
This is my most valuable product
You got connections in Thailand, right
Come here
Thais, I get a lot of money for Thais
Give ya a massage and then cook you a nice green chicken curry afterwards
Hurry up Hey, what you doing, Dumbo
don't bruise the fruit
It's a product
If you bruise it then no one will want it
Okay
Bill, just get your men in order, will ya
You give me some decent money to pay for help
I wouldn't have morons working for me
Right. So
Massage parlor
You, massage parlor
These ugly ones over here send them to the sweat shop
And this, this is Bobby Z
Pleasure
Likewise
Used to herd cattle
Jules, wait a minute
Who are these people
Oh you know, Eurotrash, crazy Russians
friends from the import export business
And of course the lovely Elizabeth
I trust you slept well
Yeah And alone
Is that uh, is that her boy
Oh no, that's Olivia's beautiful
beautiful boy
Where is Olivia
She's at Betty Ford
This time for speed
She asked Elizabeth to look after the kid
6 months ago
Sir Brian
Mm
Your gear
Wherever 2 or more are gathered in my name
Shut up
Oleg
Oleg. Come on
Mind your own business, bitch
Bobby
He's gonna be dead in a minute
Hi
Hey
You know Bobby, I have never seen you
stick up for anyone but yourself before
I have to admit, the kid was pretty impressed, too
I don't know much about kids
That's too bad
‘cause he's yours
Big, bad Boom Boom
How's the meth business
This is my business
Maybe you didn't see the sign on your way in
I'm a tattoo artist
(speaks Spanish)
Easy, baby
Don't go nowhere
I'm not gonna bite ya
I got a tip for ya
About the guy that did Maddog
Tim Kearney
Mm-hm. Yeah
You and your brothers been looking for him
but you can't find him, can ya
He'll turn up
Feds still got him in protective custody
Oh no
He's out
If I was you, I'd start looking down around the border
Excuse me
What's your play in this
Oh, didn't I tell ya
I'm the one that turned him loose
I could do a car bomb
take your legs off, right at the knees
I bet you could
Just ‘cause we doin' business don't mean you got rights
Come on. Come on, please
What the hell do you want, Grusza
Let's just say Kearney being released is a case of misplaced trust
Drop him off in a body bag I'll pretend it was Santa Claus
and that'll be that
Adios
So the boy's mine
That's right
She never told me about him
Yeah. Well you'd have to be around for that
So does everybody know
Hm-mm
Just Olivia and me
Now you
Olivia asked me not to tell you
So why did ya
'Cause you should know
It's been a long time, Bobby
Yeah, too long
Yeah
So what brought you back
Was it the money
Still want my share
I hadn't forgotten about you
Mm
You're giving me what's mine
Yeah, of course
You really have changed, Bobby
How
Well, in the old days
you would've definitely had me in bed by now
Let's do it my way
You haven't forgotten my favorite position, have you
No No
Do you remember our first time
In my little trailer at El Morro Beach
It's still there, if you need it
Thanks
Noncommittal as ever
Was I bad to you
Yeah. Yeah Bobby, you were
Have you talked to Monk lately
No
You
Once in a while
He still dreams of having me someday
So long as that dream is alive I'll get what I want
You need his number
No, I have it
You better get going
Why
'Cause when Don Huertero gets here he's gonna kill you
How do you know that
You know Brian
Yap, yap, yap
Can I come with you? Please
Listen. Please
No, go back in your bedroom
Please. Can I come with you
Hey, I don't know much about kids
That's too bad, 'cause he's yours
Beautiful, beautiful boy
Where do you think you're going, son
I'm leaving
What, are you gonna shoot me
You're not the type
Stop him! Bring him back
Come on
He's getting away
After him
Get him! Go
Alright get off. Hide
Hah! Hah
You came back
Yeah, I'm not too bright
He's heading south by southwest, Mr. Johnson
Let's go
H'yah, h'yah
Are we out of gas
Yeah, we're out of gas
Son of a bitch
What're we gonna do
Alright, alright we're gonna play a game now
What game
You know what a marine is
Kind of soldier
No
Marine is a bad ass
You wanna play that game
No
Why not
Navy Seals are tougher
Okay
So we're gonna play Navy Seals
and we're goin' on a secret mission
And we're gonna go up over that mountain over there
That's so gay
You know the truth of the matter is man
I don't really give a shit what we play right now
but if we don't play something they're gonna shoot you
Don't scream at me
You know, forget about it
Let's just go. That was stupid
Let's go, come on. Move it
What
we're gonna walk
No, I just called for a limousineman It's gonna be here in fifteen minutes
Move out
God
See, you wouldn't 've made a very good marine anyhow
Whatever
Why are you doing this to me
We were friends
You've ruined everything
You've put my job in jeopardy
Where was Bobby going
I don't know
You know what, I almost believe you
But Don Huertero won't
He might
You know what
He won't
And it's gonna be better for me
if it looks like I tried harder to find out
Just not my face, okay
What's that
What Listen
What Sh
Can you hear it
Run! Run
I got 'em, Johnson
They're a half a mile due west heading into Cable Rock
Come on, go! Run
Run! Run
Come on! Stop looking
Don't slow down
Go go go
They're all yours, boys
Bring him back alive
Stay outta sight
We're alright
You miss your mom
Yeah
But I like it better with Elizabeth
And why's that
She's not a drug addict
That's good
That's real good
Alright kid, I'm proud of you but this is go-time right now
This is serious and I need you to listen to me, Alright
Those bad guys, they're right behind us
They're gonna be here any minute
So when they get here I'm gonna signal you
and I want you to hide behind those two rocks right there
Alright, you see those rocks
Okay
There is no way some candyass surfer from Laguna Beach
knows his way around a desert like this
H'yah! H'yah
Shit
Get behind the rock
Hide behind that rock
I'm gonna cut you up, boy
Come on, cowboy
Come on
Shit
C'mon! Go go go! C'mon, go, run! Run, c'mon
I got you now, you son of a bitch
Ah, shit
Run your ass off
C'mon, c'mon
God damn horse
Look, I know this looks bad but I can explain everything
He killed your men and escaped even from you Mr. Johnson
Let Brian cook in the sun for a while
Mr. Johnson, follow me
Brian is a cowardly degenerate
who gallantly seeks to place the blame on sweet Elizabeth
He tells me that she warned Mr. Z about my plans for him
If that's true, and perhaps it is